THE CICAK.com

Public buses: Cram or be damned

By RACHEL CHAN

The current graduate unemployment fiasco might just find its solution in the least expected of places.

One can in fact set hopes of establishing a local version of the Royal London Circus here with these unemployed graduates as its lion-tamers and ringmasters. For it is not far from home that an avenue for training skilled workers for such purposes has been located.

Just a short stroll to the neighbourhood bus stand will prove my point. It is a mobile entertainment centre, with enough hysterics to keep the laughs going and one’s emotions high throughout the show. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the latest form of live theatre – the art of boarding public buses.

Houdini would be rolling in his little contortionist encasement, reeling at this unabashed display of pushing, shoving, and kneading of limbs in the four directions of the wind by our gifted local talents. Space constraint is no longer a reality; the “actors” say it is pure metaphysics. In a moving bus, not even speed may hinder the uncivilised from climbing up its roof or suspending themselves by the hinges of its doors to maximise space usage. In the confines of the bus route, standing space is scarce. Therefore, the standard solution is once again used: Cram or be damned.

The authorities in charge of setting the bus schedules - and perhaps the allocation of space in buses - may need to attend intensive tuition on Maths 101. Either that, or the writing on the wall is intended to be a really bad joke, a left-over from April Fool’s. Apparently, “31 Duduk, 24 Berdiri” (31 seated, 24 standing) does not add up to 55 for them. In the post-Enron style of accounting, shouldn’t figures tally? Or must profits exceed expectations? Well, apparently yes, after all it is just the passengers who have to bear with this contortion conundrum.

A quick fact-find through Putraline’s official website will not unearth any information whatsoever on the number of buses provided for service along the routes leading to local LRT stations. Bus schedules therefore, remain a dream only possible in a utopian world. Perhaps this is something we can include in our Wawasan 3030. After all, there is always enough space to make for the inclusion of this ideal in the Twentieth Malaysian Plan.

So, all one can do in order to prove cause for complain is to guess and manually count the number of vehicles allocated to the individual stations. A complaint in an online news portal states that one station has about 20 buses, three of which are in circulation along the routes at any time.

Since the recent takeover of Intrakota Consolidated and Cityliner by the government-owned Rapid KL, unsolved mysteries have been shrouding the standard of the efficiency of its services. With only slightly more than 900 vehicles owned in total by the company, Rapid KL’s promises are rapidly disintegrating into farcical hot air. Frequent commuter complaints range from insufficient amount of buses to cater for its clientele - resulting in overcrowded birdcages much like those of KFC’s barnyards - to the lack of disabled-friendly facilities. Also, the services do not cover all parts of town. One wonders: what was the government’s true motive in creating this new integrated bus holding system?

“Feedering” is a crucial part of a good public transport system, said Rapid KL’s Chief Operating Officer of Bus Operations, Mohd Ali Mohd Nor. The government’s initial plan was to form Rapid KL to operate on Intrakota and Cityliner’s routes, as well as those of Putraline and Starline LRT. The scheme was to gradually take over Intrakota and Cityliner’s 107 bus routes, thereby covering 70 percent of Klang Valley’s total routes. Well, with only two-thirds of the 900 plus buses inherited from Intrakota and Cityliner in working condition, we wish them the best of luck.

There is much interest generated by a top official’s remark on the cause of the irregular feeder bus service and the “tradition” of drivers taking long lunch breaks. In true Malaysian fashion, the statement echoes the sentiments of the drivers themselves. Blame it all on the traffic congestion and the floods, which are beyond their control. Apparently, with the frequency of late buses, Kuala Lumpur seems to be flooded all year round. Perhaps, Rapid KL should start buying up boats as well.

To relate this situation to that of sardines stuffed in a tin can is probably an understatement. More appropriately, it should be equated with being shoved into a tub of mashed potatoes. Frequent calls to squeeze in deeper into an already airtight passage makes one wonder about the driver’s judgement. Perhaps, one day they might even eject unsuspecting passengers through a secret exit once the bus is full to make way for new passengers who are willing to pay higher fares.

Buses today are to their passengers what concentration camps were to their prisoners of war.
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RACHEL CHAN is a contributing writer for theCICAK.

Rachel Chan is a premature old nag. She blogs about issues close to her heart - especially the inefficiency of bureaucrats. She thinks jail is the best place to study for an exam, and is trying to get there, hopefully. Visit her site.