THE CICAK.com

Terengganu relaxing its polygamy laws, what’s a woman to do

By POH SI TENG

Should a Muslim man be allowed to take on a second, third and fourth spouse, without the consent of his first wife?

If you agree and would like to do so, pack your bags, sell your house and drive your family SUV along with your first wife and five kids to Terengganu. Woopeedoo!

The state feels a need to relax polygamy laws with the “high number of unmarried mothers and unwed lasses,” according to an article in The Star. You will, however, need to be “mentally and financially stable, (and) have in-depth knowledge of Islam.”

Perfect. Once your family is settled into daily life in the east coast, pop this:

“Sayang, I brought home some apom from the pasar malam, the kids from the tuition center, and uh, my SECOND wife, who lives on the other side of town. Come meet her after you wash the dishes and rub my feet. She’s very amiable. You’ll both get along just fine and dandy.”

If I was the wife, I’d divorce him so fast his head would spin. I’d also, of course, fight for sole legal custody of my kids and withdraw everything from our joint-savings account and liquidate all mutual assets. You wanna play dirty? OK, I’ll follow suit.

And I’ll seek support from organisations like Sisters in Islam, which have been very vocal on the issue, and a majority of women in Malaysia.

Then again, it would not go well in the Syariah court.

So what’s a woman to do? Take all our money, our kids and go on a “long vacation.” Sayonara Malaysia.

But I’m only speaking for myself. I’ve no interest to be in a plural, serial marriage or polyamorous relationship.

However, there is a strong and valid argument to be made on behalf of those who are for one or all the above. That it’s an option which could strengthen the economic, political and social structure of certain communities. But this option involves consent. (Thanks Dr. Christopher Carrington, for helping me look beyond my own stereotypes and preconceived notions of such relationships in your human sexuality class at San Francisco State University.)

Even in Mormon celestial plural marriages, wives have a say on whether their husband can bring a new woman into the household. After all, isn’t spousal consent a central argument for proponents of polygamy?

In addition, single or married polyamorous partners need to receive the greenlight from their primary mates before they can have sexual relations with other people. And to be fair, their primary partners should be allowed to have sexual relations with their mates. After all, there needs to be compersion (opposite of jealousy) in order for an effective open relationship to work.

But compersion, in all relationships, can only exist if there is consent. If there is no consent, you’re just a bloody cheater.

Oh my, there might be more men in Terengganu who will be two, triple or quadruple-timing on their first wives soon.

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POH SI TENG is the director and co-founder of theCICAK.

Poh Si came to the United States in search of free speech and expression. Last summer, she interned as a science reporter for The Columbus Dispatch in Ohio. She has written for the Oakland Tribune, the Vallejo Times-Herald, the Duluth News Tribune in Minnesota and the New Straits Times in Malaysia. She will be interning as a multimedia journalist at The Virginian-Pilot this summer and The Miami Herald in the fall. Visit her site.