THE CICAK.com

theCICAK game: Where are you on the board?

By JASON LIM

We are all players but do we really know the game we’re in? Where are we on the gameboard? Which steps bring us closer to winning?

INSTRUCTIONS

We all start off at the START position with 500 points. Like Drew Carey’s Whose Line is it Anyway? TV series, the points don’t mean much – they’re just an indicator of your wellbeing. If you’re really kiasu and insist on finding out what the points mean, you can assume that the points represent anything positive – your sanity, your money, your happiness etc.

The game begins and you move yourself along the arrows through the green boxes. Instead of rolling dice, you decide where you want to go by making choices. You do this with your heart, your brain, your instincts, religious guidance, or divine intervention. Alternatively, at each step you can ask your parent or teacher what to do (while you’re at it, get them to change your diaper).

At any point in the game, you are not allowed to incite riots, defy a law (even if you’re trying to change the law) or infringe upon the rights of others. Doing so will mean you lose 1,000,000 points and your score will be -999,500. You bad boy/girl.

If your choices lead you to the box that says “SHUT UP YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY” – you lose all your points and you need to do exactly what the box says until you decide to play again and begin at “START”. Optionally, you can also stick your head in some sand or find a coconut shell to crawl into while pretending that everything’s OK.

Typically, you would assume that when you end up in the “Back to START” box, you’ve failed and you’re crap. But you really do deserve 100 points just for making it that far and another 100 points when you begin again.

If you end up at the “LEAVE MALAYSIA” box, first you lose all your points but then before the game ends, you flip a coin and if it’s heads, you win 1,000,000 points (but these points can never be used in Malaysia). If it’s tails, you lose. If you have a better way to decide whether leaving the country is good or not, let me know.

You keep playing the game until you lose all your points or until you win loads of points that only kiasu people will be proud of. The only way you really win at this game is if you reach the “MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!” box. Once you reach that box, feel free to change the words “MALAYSIA BOLEH” to “I get equal rights despite my race” or “Politicians who resort to name-calling/gender-bashing/physical violence will be caned” or “Ramli burgers are price-controlled-items now and will forever cost RM1 only” or “Bikinis are OK to wear in public – even thongs” or any other statement that puts a smiley face on you. CONGRATULATIONS!

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JASON LIM is treasurer for theCICAK.

A London School of Economics-trained risk management and strategy consultant, Jason still owns a 51 percent stake of his soul and vows never to lose it in a hostile takeover by a multinational corporation. He is also part of the collective of young independent filmmakers behind S’kali - a feature length coming-of-age movie released in September 2006. The Star newspaper recently published his tribute to Malaysia as the opener in a series of stories from 50 young Malaysians. Read it here.